…is what I occasionally ask myself when my mind or hands are not busy with something. Looks like I won’t be blogging as much as I did back in college–where I would carefully craft my posts feeling like I was such a good writer, at least I made some of my friends laugh with my words–but I’m totally fine with it. That’s because at least now I have good things to be busy about.
So yeah, what AM I doing with my life? I finally had the courage to resign from my advertising job a few months back. It was a fun ride, 80% of which I would account to the people I worked with: they were fun, lighthearted, creative, wise, funny, and more important, they were my friends. But work was busy as hell. Don’t even get me started; anyone from advertising knows what I’m talking about. Being busy is overrated, even glorified. I got caught up in this competition at one point. Big projects? Yay! Going home on time? Be prepared to be questioned about what you did for the day. Now, honestly, I still want to be busy enough to be productive towards goals that matter to me (no, you cannot expect me to be a bum for days, it’s not in my system) but still have time to clip my nails.
So what does matter to me?
- Being an entrepreneur – Although I didn’t graduate a business degree, nor have I handled a big business, I have always been compelled to push through with entrepreneurship. Ever since college I have been telling myself and others that one day I wanted to do this. And not just one day–I mean I see myself doing it in my future. Office work was always something I felt was temporary in my life. I can’t imaging being 30 and still confined to a desk. Finally my friend and I decided to get a small food cart. We already made a few mistakes before even starting, causing much delay, but I guess those are things you learn when no one is dictating what you’ll be doing for the day. I’m just happy that I found a reliable partner to work with and taking the leap with this maybe not-so-big move is the starting point to what I really want.
- Being creative – I just CAN’T imagine life without creativity. And that is one reason why I decided to go into entrepreneurship–so I can have more control of my time and focus a part of my energy to making or developing things that others might love as much as I do. I’m taking a short accessories course, and I’m glad I am doing so (knowing I can be a spendthrift) because 1) what could be more fun than learning something new? and 2) it has empowered me to start a new accessories line (secret for now :P) and level up from the handmade trinkets I did. All I can say is, I am very very happy that I am doing something I truly love, that I’ve taken this not-so-little step, and I can’t wait to make it grow and grow and grow.
- Having control of my time – Not just time, but my energy. These two things in my life were out of control when I worked in advertising. It exhausted me too much, leaving me little time for everything else that mattered more than the flyer I was working on: relaxation, focus on personal projects, dinner with loved ones. Yeah, we all want those, but we can’t always have ’em. And that’s what I’m working on–finding that balance in my life. I want to pour my energy on things that actually came from me, not what is handed to me.
Where I am in my life, where I will be in the next few years, I don’t know, and no one else in this world can really answer this question for themselves. Sometimes I doubt myself–most people my age and older work in offices (which honestly I like too) and then they’ll move to bigger companies and eventually be in top positions. But that just doesn’t appeal to me. I will not be true to myself if I go down that road. A call back from an ad agency I did an interview with was exciting when it happened, but turned it down because 1) I might be blinded by the new offer 2) All I could think about at that time was the food cart we wanted to put up, and the Incubus album “If not now, when?”
I am lucky enough that when I’m in doubt of my life decisions, I am able to find reassurance just around the corner telling me I’m doing fine. It truly is a risk, it’s scary, but really exciting. I am happy, and whatever the outcome (crossing fingers of course!), where this adventure leads me to, I am pretty sure I can say this when I read back this entry one day–no regrets.